Past Tense, Present Progressive

I am thankful that I was able to leave the terrible and repressive aspects of Christian culture that I grew up in, to get out of the suffocatingly small box that it put me in, and to discover my real personality and identity. There is far more good in the world and in the people around me than I ever imagined when I was growing up afraid and  isolated .  There is far more good in me than I ever realized when I was immersed in a culture of unhealthy standards, guilt, shame, and control . I am thankful for the good friendships I have today, for the people who accept me the way I am, include me in their lives, drink with me, laugh with me, help me when I'm in trouble, celebrate and commiserate with me, really know how to listen, and trust me enough to share their own stories and needs as well. I am thankful, although it can be painful, that I am able to distance myself from relationships when necessary .  I no longer feel compelled to be a doormat to controlli...

You know those people who go to college campuses, high schools, and even middle schools to hold enormous pictures of aborted fetuses?  I was one of those people.  For almost two years, starting at age 19, I participated in a local pro-life group made up almost exclusively of fundamentalist homeschooled teens, called "Teens for Life". I had never even been inside a middle school or high school, and was attending a church that actively discouraged women from going to college, yet there I was, holding bloody pictures and trying to pass out literature on the sidewalk in front of them.  I had no social skills , crippling depression , and was unable to carry on a conversation even with other members of my pro-life group, yet there I was, trying to interact with the public in the most aggressive and controversial way possible. It has been ten years since those days, but one thing has not changed: I still consider abortion a tragedy that we as a society should work to pre...

Sometimes, as my toddler and I cuddle together to read books on the couch, I can't help but imagine what our relationship might be like when he becomes a teenager.  On some days, I dread it like a slowly-approaching disaster.  On other days, I feel a sense of hope that, as I deal with my own issues, I'll be able to give him something better than I experienced.   I'm confronting my old ideas about teenagers head on, and replacing them with healthier and more accurate ideas. Growing up in fundamentalist homeschooling circles, I heard a lot about "Biblical" parenting-- extreme parental authority enforced through potentially abusive levels of spanking .  Because it was "Biblical", this parenting approach  was thought to be the onl y correct way to parent in any culture and in any time period.  In short, it was supposed to be universal.  I was constantly reminded that the increasing teen rebellion in America and elsewhere was the direct result of parents...

This is the final part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #1  here . Read criticism #2  here . Read criticism #3  here . Read criticism #4 here . To briefly review, my first criticism of Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" discussed the way his advice pushed parents toward the worst possible interpretation of their child's behavior at the expense of mercy and understanding.  My second criticism looked at the extreme level of control that parents are urged to have over their child's mind and body, which can prevent the child from maturing and can put the parent at risk of developing abusive habits.  My third criticism looked at the shockingly broad definition of rebellion and the abusive use of spanking to force children to change their opinions and feelings.  My fourth criticism discussed how isolation weakens families by removing other sources of support, and...

This is part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #1  here . Read criticism #2  here . Read criticism #3 here . Read the conclusion here . To briefly review, my first criticism of Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" discussed the way his advice pushed parents toward the worst possible interpretation of their child's behavior at the expense of mercy and understanding.  My second criticism looked at the extreme level of control that parents are urged to have over their child's mind and body, which can prevent the child from maturing and can put the parent at risk of developing abusive habits.  My third criticism looked at the shockingly broad definition of rebellion and the abusive use of spanking to force children to change their opinions and feelings.  Now here is my fourth criticism: Criticism #4: Parents are urged to isolate their families in order to mai...

This is part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #1  here . Read criticism #2  here . Read criticism #4 here . Read the conclusion  here . To briefly review, my first criticism of Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" discussed the way his advice pushed parents toward the worst possible interpretation of their child's behavior at the expense of mercy and understanding.  My second criticism looked at the extreme level of control that parents are urged to have over their child's mind and body, which can prevent the child from maturing and can put the parent at risk of developing abusive habits.  Now here is my third criticism. Criticism #3: Parents are instructed to use spanking as their primary tool of discipline, not only for behavior modification but also to force the child to change their opinions or feelings. Spanking is one of those hot button issues; ...

This is part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #1  here . Read criticism #3  here . Read criticism #4  here . Read the conclusion  here . To briefly review, my first criticism of Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" discussed the way his advice pushed parents toward the worst possible interpretation of their child's behavior at the expense of mercy and understanding.  Now here is my second criticism. Criticism #2:   Parents are urged to exercise an extreme level of control of their child's mind and body, which prevents the child from preparing for adulthood.   Reb Bradley is very straightforward about what he considers the primary task of a parent.  Several times throughout the book, he reminds parents that their goal is to subdue their child's will: " keep your objective in mind - subjection of their will " (p. 44); " since the goal ...

This is part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #2  here . Read criticism #3  here . Read criticism #4  here . Read the conclusion  here . The task of reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" has been a lot more challenging than I expected.  First of all, where do I start when I disagree with almost every sentence that this book contains?  I can find almost no common ground on which to begin.  And how can I explain my reasons for disagreement when the very things that I see as horrifying are held up as admirable goals by the author? Because of these difficulties, I have decided that these posts will simply be a way for Present Me to explain to Past Me that this so-called "Biblical" parenting is damaging to individuals and relationships because it sacrifices all other virtues for the sake of authority and submission. Those quotation marks are aro...