tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post5044042647421919584..comments2023-12-09T17:01:39.079-08:00Comments on Past Tense, Present Progressive: Bad, Evil Psychology Helped MeLatebloomerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18261932798380141520noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-5897267541112931622013-02-08T11:31:18.117-08:002013-02-08T11:31:18.117-08:00There are many things here I can relate to. I was ...There are many things here I can relate to. I was not raised in a super Christian home, but I am a lifelong Military man that married a woman from another culture (German)'s child. Lifelong clinical depression that only got diagnosed in my adulthood. I just yesterday had to tell myself, even though I wished they would have been proud of me, that since that's now impossible (they're both passed away), I have the right to be proud of myself. That was a major breakthrough for me, even thru the anger I still hold. Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-529497181298887332013-02-03T21:23:14.027-08:002013-02-03T21:23:14.027-08:00Wow. Just wow. I am so impressed by how very far...Wow. Just wow. I am so impressed by how very far you have come.<br /><br />I was not raised in quite as bad a setup as you, or Laura, the commenter who was Catholic/Protestant, BUT -- I am learning that my older siblings had it pretty bad. My mother was uber-Catholic, and liked to deflect blame for everything on my father. I was raised by my father after The Divorce, and while I didn't get so much Catholicism, what I got was "work ethic". I now consider myself in rehab, and am trying to learn how to have fun BEFORE all the work is done (because of course, it never is done). It sounds ridiculous to most people, but it isn't easy to get past the guilt. :/ <br /><br />My siblings won't talk much about the period of time around my birth, which was when everything basically fell apart due to Mom's hospitalization for what was probably severe post-partum depression. But I have an idea that my sister (17 years my senior) could have written at least some of Laura's comment, and I know she attempted suicide at least once.<br /><br />Take care of yourself and keep growing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-55494375999591208722013-01-01T13:47:52.735-08:002013-01-01T13:47:52.735-08:00What do you call it when YOU are the one raising t...What do you call it when YOU are the one raising the bar for yourself, and nobody else seems to understand why you have it that high?<br /><br />I was raised in a combination of conservative Catholic and Protestant Christianity, while living with ADHD, <b>and</b> my father made it clear from the start that he had very high expectations of me as the firstborn. So somehow I got it into my head that I had to be <i>perfect at everything</i>, even though nobody ever really said that. I had to pray the rosary every day <b>and</b> get all 100's in school, <b>and</b> remember to have money every Sunday to put in the offering plate...<br /><br />I was able to keep on top of things as a child without my anxiety being too obvious to the adults around me, but by age 15, I snapped. I'm not sure if it was the addition of so many <i>real</i> responsibilities to the list of imaginary ones I had in my head, or the conflict between normal puberty and my fierce desire to never ever have any lustful thoughts,* or just the fact that I could tell that nobody around me was stressing out over anything as much as I was and it made me feel like a failure**. All I know is that clinical depression hit me HARD, and it's taken me years to figure out that I was basically doing a lot of it to myself.<br /><br />My parents still don't understand why I can't set foot in a church--any church--without feeling unaccountably guilty. It's the long list of imaginary Necessary Things that I've left undone over the years.<br /><br /><br /><br />* Try <i>not</i> to think about a pink elephant. Try very, very hard. The harder you try not to think about something, the more you're actually thinking about it.<br /><br />** This is of course nonsense, unless you have depression. When you have depression, <i>of course</i> they have it easier then you. Not because you're trying to do too much and need to relax, but because you're a <i>freak</i> who can't handle life like normal people. My depressed brain would trick me by saying, "See those kids in your class, L? They're doing everything you're doing, only they can handle the pressure. <i>And</i> they have <i>real friends.</i> Why aren't you stepping it up, L? Freak. Loser. Baby. You can't even handle high school; you won't make it in real life." This is what depression says to you, day in and day out, because <i>depression is a liar</i>*** and wants you to be anxious and miserable all the time.<br /><br />*** Even when you're functioning again, sometimes you still have to remind yourself that your depression is a liar, and you're not the person it tries to trick you into thinking you are.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15116805850923318070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-6833758992199385232012-11-30T19:02:46.428-08:002012-11-30T19:02:46.428-08:00What a tremendous blessing your posts are to me. T...What a tremendous blessing your posts are to me. Thank you for creating this healing blog. I find myself just nodding 'yes' as I read through your words. It's exactly me. Only you've processed more thoroughly and you've evolved to the point of being able to offer wise advice. Thank you for reaching out to people like me and offering hope and kindness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-85721081674389284382012-10-08T21:23:15.787-07:002012-10-08T21:23:15.787-07:00I hope that your counselor can point you towards m...I hope that your counselor can point you towards more resources to help you process this... and I hope that your life now has some good and affirming people in it to help make up for your loss.Latebloomerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18261932798380141520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-68035378227044004622012-10-08T21:19:10.133-07:002012-10-08T21:19:10.133-07:00High-five for mutual progress! I'm glad to he...High-five for mutual progress! I'm glad to hear that you're overcoming those effects too. Latebloomerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18261932798380141520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-37102596062903818112012-09-05T07:47:31.442-07:002012-09-05T07:47:31.442-07:00Wow, this is a great post! I clicked on Libby Anne...Wow, this is a great post! I clicked on Libby Anne's link to it on her blog post today. I too, grew up extreme fungelical Christianity style with very authoritarian parenting. I too, reacted very harshly to it. I am also a high-sensitive child, although I'm more of an extrovert. However, I was raised to be an introvert. Every time I exerted my louder, more talkative streak, I was reprimanded for being disobedient, unlady-like, and not meek enough. But I also know I was/am highly sensitive and highly reactive to being abused. It's given me depression that I've finally broken through, social anxiety that I've finally broken through, and tons of anxiety about working and having a career. That part I'm still working on. I haven't read "Quiet" by my husband (definitely an introvert) has. I'm going to refer back to your post and ask him some questions tonight. Thanks for the post!Juliehttp://texannewyorker.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-49296539740242729912012-08-01T15:37:46.148-07:002012-08-01T15:37:46.148-07:00I just saw Susan Cain on TED. She is wonderful! ...I just saw Susan Cain on TED. She is wonderful! I love her....<br /><br />http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html?source=facebook#.UBRUBdAkq-Z.facebookElizabeth Jenningshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03025208652139849945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-44713556538240443162012-07-30T11:46:48.599-07:002012-07-30T11:46:48.599-07:00I can so relate to what you said. And I am printin...I can so relate to what you said. And I am printing this out to take to my counselor; the way you described your personality quirks sounds so much like me. I suspect we are very similar that way. I just wanted my mom to be happy with me. But she never was, often due to her own stress that I could not yet understand, but also because she believed that being satisfied with us would make us proud and lazy.Rose ASLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03519675898483081005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-43624292157671673752012-07-21T20:52:09.034-07:002012-07-21T20:52:09.034-07:00"Raising the bar syndrome"--that's a..."Raising the bar syndrome"--that's a great way of describing it. It's nice to be out of that mentality, not threatened when people try to hold the bar over me anymore. Instead, I feel like people who constantly try to make me earn their approval are not worth my time, whether they are friends or family.Latebloomerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18261932798380141520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-57620845321568766392012-07-21T20:40:07.785-07:002012-07-21T20:40:07.785-07:00Welcome, I'm glad you're reading!
Yes, ...Welcome, I'm glad you're reading! <br /><br />Yes, it does look so beautiful, orderly, and simple, but you don't realize that it's just a facade. It's really a lot of fantasizing about the supposedly good old days of the 1950s, "Leave It To Beaver" style. You might really enjoy the movie Pleasantville, which deals with the theme of breaking through the idealized version of the 1950s family. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it!Latebloomerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18261932798380141520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-3285375261636699762012-07-21T00:42:14.685-07:002012-07-21T00:42:14.685-07:00I experienced this too. I always thought of it as ...I experienced this too. I always thought of it as "raising the bar syndrome". No matter how good, how obedient, how godly I was, the bar was always raised out of reach so I never got any sort of validation. So self-worth plummeted and of course anything approaching psychology was dismissed out of hand. There was nothing to turn to. What a great trap but like you, I managed to escape.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07660740861042965294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-29657277513935269782012-07-11T10:57:42.951-07:002012-07-11T10:57:42.951-07:00I can totally relate to your story -- although I d...I can totally relate to your story -- although I didn't follow the conservative christian path until my late 20's, until my mid-40's, dragging our four children along (we were part of conservative mennonite groups). Growing up with no religion and basically neglected in a lot of areas, the orderliness and seemingly simplistic lifestyle was very appealing to me. But oh the reality is so different. I look forward to reading more of your beautiful blog! I'm glad I found it. :)jimi annhttp://wakingupintheafternoon.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-4130436470536607892012-07-10T22:24:30.823-07:002012-07-10T22:24:30.823-07:00"Depression is only viewed as spiritual in or..."Depression is only viewed as spiritual in origin: the result of a lack of faith, or some lingering sin" --EXACTLY! <br /><br />Even the most beautiful aspect of Christianity (sacrificial love) is used against you in this culture: i.e. Jesus DIED so you could be forgiven for your sinfulness--why are you not constantly overwhelmed with joy and gratitude about that? How dare you be depressed!Latebloomerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18261932798380141520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-14539078420971130092012-07-08T16:03:17.466-07:002012-07-08T16:03:17.466-07:00That's because obedience isn't everything....That's because obedience isn't everything. Obedience must be done with the right spirit or it doesn't "count". And like Latebloomer very very aptly stated, any sentiment or concept of a child's self-esteem is more than looked down on - it's derided and sneered at and viewed as nothing but encouraging pride and rebelliousness. And of course if a child/teen/young adult suffers from depression and low self-worth because of this, that depression is only viewed as spiritual in origin: the result of a lack of faith, or some lingering sin. It is a very difficult perspective to grasp as it really is quite cruel with very long lasting psychological effects for the poor kids. And yes, I grew up in this same atmosphere as well, and the field of psychology is given worse than no merit. Latebloomer's description of how it's viewed is incredibly and tragically accurate.Jade Nolanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15648438406466284755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2229462780883907840.post-27255371179495606082012-07-08T07:18:57.687-07:002012-07-08T07:18:57.687-07:00what really surprises me is the mean spiritedness ...what really surprises me is the mean spiritedness of this movement. To have a child that is so obedient but to still wound them when you could love them. It is very hard for me to understand.Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16062266088887216663noreply@blogger.com