How I Became Everything I Feared, With No Regrets

I still remember the person I used to be.  Dedicated, sincere, very securely walled-in behind my black and white beliefs: an entanglement of Republicanism and Fundamentalist Christianity that was all I knew.

I was that person, listening to the sermon at church, who heard that President Bill Clinton had covertly sold our country to "Red China", and that increased persecution of American Christians was in our future...The threat of this persecution seeming more vivid and horrifying due to publications at my church like Voice of the Martyrs, with its photos of tortured Christians in China.

I was that person who prayerfully voted for George W. Bush as a newly-registered voter, affectionately framing a newspaper photo of him so I could remember to pray for him to do God's will as president.

I was that person who volunteered her time for pro-family activism, convinced that homosexuality was inherently wrong and destructive to society... lobbying at the State Capitol in California with people like Scott Lively (who would later be charged with crimes against humanity).

I was that person who tried desperately to save even just one baby from abortion, by standing in front of schools and Planned Parenthood locations, an odd juxtaposition of severe social phobia and shocking posters, giving out pamphlets about fetal development and alternatives to abortion.  People hate those who speak up for Jesus, I heard repeatedly.  In fact, if non-Christians hate you, you're probably doing something right.

I was that person. And if I were still that person, I would likely be voting for Donald Trump in this election.  After all, he at least sometimes says he is anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ+, unlike Kamala Harris.  Donald Trump's rhetoric about protecting American Christianity's way of life would also resonate with that part of me who fearfully expected to be persecuted for my Christian beliefs in the US one day, like Christians abroad.  And Kamala Harris, with her skills and experience and warm public persona, would feel more threatening to me, simply because those appealing qualities would make her more effective at distracting people from the primary ethical issues at stake. 

But I am not that person anymore.

Early in my adulthood, I realized that I was subconsciously hiding from information that contradicted my fundamentalist Christian beliefs.  It didn't sit right with me to realize that I was accidentally operating as if God's truth couldn't stand up to scrutiny.  After all, I had heard many times that God has made the Truth visible to anyone who genuinely looked for it (Romans 1:19-20).  If I was going to be able to convince other people of my beliefs, I needed to honestly and fully face the information that was shaping THEIR beliefs, and learn how to respond to it.

Unexpectedly, that simple thing--openness to learning about and understanding other people's experiences and perspectives--gradually dismantled my entire fundamentalist Christian + Republican worldview, despite my best efforts.

I learned from other people and sources directly, instead of just letting a "friendly and trustworthy" source feed me a scornful straw-man version of their experiences and opinions.  With story after story, I found myself better able to see the humanity that connected all of us, regardless of beliefs.  I pondered the stories that weren't able to be neatly solved by my orderly fundamentalist and Republican beliefs.  I learned the hidden histories of suffering and discrimination that have happened due to policies and practices of the US government, with effects sometimes still strongly felt today.  I heard from people whose best efforts weren't enough to avoid falling through the cracks under my ideal fiscally-conservative government.  I listened to women's actual reasons for choosing abortions, and learned that addressing those reasons would do more to reduce abortions than an outright ban.  And through it all, I never felt that my personal beliefs were under attack or that I was experiencing persecution as a Christian.  People simply wanted permission to exist unharmed as themselves, just like me.  

To me, the key for understanding at first was just simple word substitution.  Whenever I heard a fundamentalist Christian + Republican idea that felt correct and comfortable to me, I could understand the unfairness of it by substituting in another belief system instead.  For instance, "Let's bring prayer and the Bible back into our classrooms!" for many Americans had the same emotional impact as a fundamentalist Christian hearing "Let's teach Muslim prayer rituals and the Quran in our classrooms!"  

Now my political opinions are empathy-based and community-focused...and not just the "community" of people who share my beliefs, or the "community" of the country where I live, but the community of all humanity.  I have grown and learned so much; I have become everything I feared, with no regrets.