Past Tense, Present Progressive

This is part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #1  here . Read criticism #3  here . Read criticism #4  here . Read the conclusion  here . To briefly review, my first criticism of Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" discussed the way his advice pushed parents toward the worst possible interpretation of their child's behavior at the expense of mercy and understanding.  Now here is my second criticism. Criticism #2:   Parents are urged to exercise an extreme level of control of their child's mind and body, which prevents the child from preparing for adulthood.   Reb Bradley is very straightforward about what he considers the primary task of a parent.  Several times throughout the book, he reminds parents that their goal is to subdue their child's will: " keep your objective in mind - subjection of their will " (p. 44); " since the goal ...

This is part of a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read the introduction  here . Read criticism #2  here . Read criticism #3  here . Read criticism #4  here . Read the conclusion  here . The task of reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips" has been a lot more challenging than I expected.  First of all, where do I start when I disagree with almost every sentence that this book contains?  I can find almost no common ground on which to begin.  And how can I explain my reasons for disagreement when the very things that I see as horrifying are held up as admirable goals by the author? Because of these difficulties, I have decided that these posts will simply be a way for Present Me to explain to Past Me that this so-called "Biblical" parenting is damaging to individuals and relationships because it sacrifices all other virtues for the sake of authority and submission. Those quotation marks are aro...

This is the introduction to a series of posts reviewing Reb Bradley's book "Child Training Tips". Read criticism #1  here . Read criticism #2  here . Read criticism #3  here . Read criticism #4  here . Read the conclusion  here . Every once in a while, I realize something shockingly obvious, something that confronts yet another false assumption that has managed to cling to my mind even as I've moved further and further away from my fundamentalist Christian roots. In the whole Bible, there is not a single verse that credits parents for having raised a good child.  Nothing from God, nothing from any adult sons or daughters in the Bible.  Not one word of thanks, not one word of credit. It would be easy to insert a few parental credit verses into the Bible.  Maybe we could add a little phrase here or there in the Old Testament, such as "King David,  because of his godly parents ," or "Moses,  thanks to his childhood training ;...

" My name is Latebloomer, and it has been three years since I have been to church. " At first it was uncomfortable to quit doing something that was an ingrained lifelong habit; however, as some point, the weekly discomfort of attending church significantly surpassed the temporary discomfort of quitting.  I just don't belong at church right now.  I may never belong there again. Church is not a place where I can learn .  In fact, I can't remember the last time I learned something new at church.  After all, I was raised in church; I've heard and read all the stories hundreds of times, from innumerable perspectives, with every possible church-approved application.  Really, only so much can be said when a pastor is limited to speaking devotionally out of one ancient book, especially when the pastor is also socially obligated to keep the Bible safe and dependable in order to protect the favorite beliefs of the church members. The things that I now want to learn...

Growing up, I heard a lot of scoffing at psychology in my family, homeschooling community, and fundamentalist church.  In those circles, the study and application of psychology represented a worthless human attempt to feel happier apart from God and become better without the guidance of the Bible.   The anti-psychology sentiment was so strong that even building kids' self-confidence and self-esteem was derided as a "worldly" goal.  There was too much "self" in the name.  Real True Christian children were to be obedient and humble instead. Looking back, I definitely had the obedience thing handled; in fact, I cannot remember ever purposefully disobeying my parents, even in my teens.  Yet I was constantly reprimanded for unsatisfactory performance because I was unable to be constantly cheerful about the instant unquestioning obedience that was required of me.  The impossibility of my situation left me feeling extremely frustrated and guilty; how...

If I had stayed within the constraints of fundamentalism and Christian Patriarchy, my husband and I would absolutely not be happily married today.  Our relationship from the very beginning consisted of many departures from the teachings I grew up with.  Each of those departures furthered the development, health, and mutual happiness of our relationship. The first departure: As a single woman, I moved out of my parents' home to get a college education .  What is a completely ordinary step for many North American women was a  desperate and terrifying  leap for me.  My family's homeschooling church, led by  Reb Bradley , promoted  a very restrictive view of gender roles  along with a strong suspicion of the " liberal bias " of higher learning institutions.  Within the church culture, daughters were obligated to stay home under their father's authority until marriage; once married, they would be housekeepers and stay-at-home mothers. ...

Growing up exclusively within fundamentalist and Christian Patriarchy circles, I only heard about two kinds of parents: "godly" parents who spanked their kids, and "worldly" parents who let their kids run wild.  As usual, there was no middle ground and no ability to adapt the method to fit the parents or the child. Now, as an ex-fundamentalist parent , I'm learning to dig up and reject false dichotomies like this one that were deeply ingrained in my thinking.  I'm starting to develop a perspective of parenting that is less simplistic, more balanced, and more informed by child psychology, biology, linguistics, and statistics. There is a name for the perspective that resonates most with me: it's called positive parenting or gentle parenting.  I'd like to share a couple of my favorite online articles on the topic with you, and I hope to find more good reading on the topic from your recommendations. Positive Parenting Is Not Permissive Parenting  ...